The Night of the Animals
Since my brother arrived with his 75 lb. dog, brings the total amount of animals in our house to 5 cats and 4 dogs. Four cats belong to us, one to my brother, two dogs to us, one to my brother and the pomeranian puppy to my daughter who is getting married next year.

And since no one seems to be paying any attention to anything I have to say, I am posting these rules here in hopes that someone from this house will read them and it will sink into their brain.

Inside Rules:

1. No cats on the counter at any time for any reason, this means you, Zeke.
2. No cats are to be fed next to the dogs...self explanatory.
3. The puppy is not to be fed near the beagles or the Huge Dog as the puppy will starve.
4. The beagles are not to be fed near the Huge Dog or there will be a Big Fight.
5. Do not leave any food in any dishes on any surface for any time or you will lose your food. Tony and Lexie are getting very fat.
6. No cats are to jump on my head in the middle of the night ever again.
7. Zeke is not supposed to be on top of Daphne, biting her in the neck. You are fixed, Zeke, apparently you have forgotten this.
8. The screen door in the patio is not to be left unlocked because two of the five cats have learned how to open it by inserting their claws into the screen and pulling on it.
9. Make sure the front screen door is completely shut or Zeke will push on it and let all the animals out.
10. No cat is to jump up on my computer desk while I am trying to write in my live journal and put their paw on the delete key. This means you, Daphne, you stupid cat.
Additional Inside Rules with regards to big metal gate between dining room and living room:

1. Huge Dog is to remain on the living room side as he pees on the carpet by the patio door. I have no explanation for this but it will never happen again.
2. Beagles cannot be in the living room unless Huge Dog is outside because they get into big fights over imaginary food.
3. Puppy cannot be alone with Huge Dog. She's looks like his favorite chew toy.
4. Cats can go into any room they want but I want to make it clear it's at their own risk.
Helpful Hints: Since the gate is hinged in several places, you can swing the gate to allow the non-huge dogs access to the hallway and bedrooms, then close them off and open the other end to let the Huge Dog access to the dining room so he can be let outside. Think sheep herding and you'll be fine.


Outside Rules:
(this only applies to the backyard)

1. Puppy cannot be left alone outside with Tony. He has already broken her tail in 3 places and likes to drag her around the yard by her back foot. (she torments him by chasing him and biting him in the rear, though)
2. Tony and Lexie can be left alone outside together but only if Tony has on his barking collar as he will bark continuously at birds, squirrels, neighbors, neighbor's dogs, neighbor's children, neighbor's relatives, neighbor's relatives' dogs, neighbors on riding lawn mowers, bunnies in the garden or stray cats.
3. Lexie can be left out alone as long as she wants which is usually about 5 min.
4. Tony can be left out alone as long as he wants which is usually about 5 hours.
5. Tony is not to be running around the backyard with a baby bird in his mouth. (note to baby bird: so sorry. R.I.P.)
6. Tony is not supposed to be digging holes in my flower beds.
7. Tony is not supposed to have the grease catcher cup from the grill.
8. Tony is not supposed to be running around the backyard with a big geranium from one of my flower pots in his mouth.
9. Huge Dog cannot be left alone outside with any dog or any cat.
10. Huge Dog cannot be left alone outside to his own devices because he will find things To DO.

These last few rules apply to Huge Dog Only:
1. Do not fish my waterlily out of the pond the kids got me for Mother's Day and play toss and catch with it in the yard.
2. Do not fall into the pond and get all stinky so that people have to give you a bath.
3. Do not rip up those garden kneeling pads.
4. Do not bury all my dogs toys behind the tree.
5. Do not dig huge holes and spray the dirt all over my wooden swing and into the pond water.
6. Do not dig huge holes where we are trying to grow wildflowers.
7. Do not pee on my flowers.
8. Do not pee on the grill.
9. Do not pee on the picnic table legs.
10. Do not pee on my herb garden.
11. Do not pee on my downspout.
12. Do not pee on my wooden swing.
13. Do not pee on my back steps.
14. Do not pee on my dog while he is trying to pee.