Current mood:	alarmed
Current music:	Broken Things - Judy Miller

The Cure Might Kill You, But At Least We Tried
Whenever I am put on a new medication, I usually scan the little piece of paper that comes with it for common side effects. Since drug companies now have to cover their butts in case of someone filing a malpractice lawsuit against them, they have to include almost every side effect known to man and the little piece of paper has in most cases, turned into a small book. Most side effects are very common to any new medication; nausea, vomiting, upset tummy, dizziness, headache, dry mouth, etc. Down at the bottom they usually list the rare side effects including everything from spontaneous combustion to the loss of private part sensation.

Earlier this year, I went to the doctor for a refill on my blood pressure medication and he asked me how I was doing. I admitted I thought that I had suddenly developed a crippling case of full body arthritis and was waking up with heart palpitations in the middle of the night. He did some blood tests and could find nothing wrong and wondered if I might have a mild case of depression and would I be willing to try a new drug, Cymbalta, that not only helped depression but arthritic conditions. At that point I was willing to try anything just to feel like my old self again and began to take the medicine and seemingly felt much better.

Over the last few months, I have been complaining about various aches and pains that seemed to come out of nowhere. I wondered if turning 50 was some kind of rite of passage and I was doomed to feel this way the rest of my life. The problem was, I attributed everything I was experiencing to a natural decrease in female hormones, tried to do the best I could with the hot flashes and sudden sweating and decided to just tough it out until it passed.

I began to have terrible nightmares, not only did I have terrible nightmares, I had nothing but nightmares. I remember asking several people, "Do you ever have good dreams because I haven't had one in a long time. I'm almost afraid to go to sleep." They would assure me that yes, they had a mix of both and I was driven to Google to see if I was some of freak or had some deep-seated problems that were coming out in my subconscious. I couldn't find anything constructive so chalked that up to stress.

Off and on, I would notice my tongue and lips felt tingly, as if they had gone to sleep and wondered if I had had something to eat that I had suddenly grown allergic to. The tingling would pass after a half hour or so and so I would forget about it.

Within the last year, I've also developed something called dysphasia where you will be talking along and know the word you want to say but a totally different word will come out instead. Sometimes I would just stop in mid-sentence and have "lost" the word entirely. While my kids thought this was all hilariously funny and at times aggravating, it deeply disturbed me to the point that I felt I was developing early Alzheimer's.

Other odd symptoms developed such as I noticed the arch in my right foot ached whenever I stepped on it, soon it spread to the heel and then to the other foot. At times it was difficult for me to walk after I had been sitting for a while and I would even sit in the Lazyboy chair with my feet up and almost cry with the pain because it got so bad. I tried ice and wearing good shoes, expensive arch supports but nothing helped. Sometimes my lower legs throbbed and ached like they had never done before and I worried that my health was deteriorating quickly.

I also noticed my stomach sticking out in such a way that I could not suck it in without a lot of effort. This even happened after I lost 15 lbs. and was eating less than ever. I chalked that up to old age and reminded myself I would have to start doing situps religiously.

Early this morning about an hour before it was time to wake up, something disturbed my sleep and I woke up and was suddenly aware of an odd sensation I had only experienced once before. I felt like my brain had been hit by a small jolt of electricity and it worked its way down my face so that my lips and tongue went numb again and then it continued down my arms to my hands and even all the way down to my toes. Being half awake, I knew something really strange was happening to me but didn't care enough to really wake up all the way and closed my eyes only to find myself staring at geometric zigzag patterns flickering back and forth where there should have been only dark. I remembered this had happened once before around the same time of the night and at that time it had alarmed me enough to try to seek out the cause which I had attributed to taking my medication too close to bedtime. This time it really worried me, especially the seeing the patterns waving about when I closed my eyes. I had been having more trouble with my eyes lately anyway so wondered if I was developing diabetes. My mom had developed it about my age and it was always in the back of my mind that I might, too.

Being a nurse and naturally curious, I would from time to time try to research the different things that were happening to me but never connected any of them beyond the slight suspicion of diabetes. I even went so far as to buy a Freestyle Flash Blood Glucose checker (it was very cheap and on sale) and tested my blood sugar a few times but it showed up as perfectly normal no matter when I tested it. Last week I was cutting up onions to put in a dish I was making and my hands began to shake so bad I thought I was going to cut myself. I put the knife down and decided I would take my blood sugar because surely it had dropped to a dangerously low level. I was quite surprised to find it within the normal range.

I am by no means a hypochondriac and have always tried not to dwell on aches and pains too much but obviously something odd was going on. The only other thing I could think of that would make my hands shake was caffeine and I had had a Diet Coke earlier so I attributed it to that.

After the tingling incident this morning, I knew something was not right so I went to Google and typed in "body tingling" which was not a smart thing to type in. I finally put in Cymbalta tingling and hit the mother lode.

On several different forums and websites I found warnings about Cymbalta from people of every age and walk of life. The main symptoms of taking it and withdrawal from it were:

1. Brain "zaps", sometimes occurring every few minutes even to the point of severe pain
2. Facial tingling and numbness
3. Marked reduction in sight acuity
4. A feeling of being bloated and "fat"
5. Sudden bouts of extreme sweating and thirst
6. Crippling pain in the bottoms of the feet and especially the heels
7. Horrendous, vivid nightmares
8. Shakiness and other low blood sugar symptoms
9. Slight epileptic-type episodes where words are forgotten during speech
10. Dizziness, a feeling of not being right in the room

I sat back in stunned silence. Almost every message and complaint listed the above things. There were other more severe symptoms and some that didn't apply to me but for the most part, these were the main side effects. As the truth began dawning on me, I read about the even worse side effects if you try to stop it.

Now I am faced with a dilemma. I know doctors cannot know how each person will respond to every medication and my entire extended family is notorious for being sensitive to almost every kind of drug. I feel I need to get off this medication as soon as possible but do I go cold turkey or taper it off gradually? Do I tell the doctor or just do it myself? I really don't want to make an appointment, tell him I've decided I'd rather have the occasional arthritis pains and pay him $36 on the way out.

My aunt says to take myself off it, start eating only healthy foods, take some good vitamins and make sure I get fresh air and exercise everyday. Lol, I'm sure I remember my grandma saying the very same thing to both my mom and her years and years ago. Some advice is timeless.

I read withdrawal from this drug can take up to six weeks. Merry Christmas to me.