Chessiegirl ([info]chessiegirl) wrote,
@ 2005-08-23 23:11:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Current mood: thoughtful

As Time Goes By
The longer I wander through life, the more I don't feel a part of it. This isn't anything new, I've always felt this way, like a stranger peeping in. There's probably some deep-seated psychological reason for this but I'd rather not know what it is. I'm sure it can't be something normal and nice.

I will try to explain this feeling further.
It's like getting on a bus and seeing every seat filled with two people and knowing no one is going to scoot over to let you sit next to them unless you directly ask. Even worse, when you do directly ask, they say no, sorry, can't sit here. Then you make your way off the bus again, because you don't fit and stand on the curb as the bus full of laughing, talking people pulls away, no one even noticing you're standing there all alone.

You pick up your things and wait patiently for the next bus. You know the same thing will happen again and again but still you stand there and wait. Hoping that eventually you'll fit.


(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Becoming
[info]jigsawpig
2005-08-24 07:21 am UTC (link)
I think this feeling is entirely normal, and shared by everyone, even if they don't acknowledge it, or even identify it. In fact there is a whole philosophy which takes this very feeling of 'otherness' from people, and from things, as its starting point. I remember reading Sartre's "Nausea" when I was at college, and feeling an enormous sense of relief and reassurance because finally I had found someone who articulated and explained what I had always felt, deep down, and had previously had no way of understanding.

It becomes more pronounced as we get older, because our characters are becoming better established and less malleable, and we are thus correspondingly more aware of our separateness from other people. As Ionesco said "There is no ideology or philosophy that does not start from the basis that we live in alienation". You just have to take it on trust that everyone you meet feels equally out of place, and feels just as lonely and excluded, deep down, whatever they might say.

The wonderful thing, I find, and the thing that makes me take enormous pleasure in people, is the fact that we all feel this, either consciously or subconsciously, and yet we still are able to get along with each other in our day-to-day society, and perform random acts of kindness to each other, and care for each other, and chat happily, and sometimes even love each other.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Becoming
(Anonymous)
2005-08-25 04:54 am UTC (link)
It could be the age thing, JP, I don't know. It does sound reasonable that I would be noticing it more and more as I get older.

It's true we live in alienation, but sometimes I feel alienated even from myself which is rather sad.

This all came about because I went into a large store to get some things for my daughter for college and they had a U-shaped counter at the front that said, RETURNS, EXCHANGES and CUSTOMER SERVICE. (It was Bed, Bath and Beyond for anyone curious about where I was) I glanced around and couldn't find any cash registers so got in line at the customer service counter like everyone else. Apparently, this was where I was supposed to go because the two girls there were ringing everyone else up. After I paid, I walked over to where I had entered and noticed the door said, DO NOT ENTER, ENTRANCE ONLY. I walked around to the right of it and found only bathrooms. I glanced to my left and saw nothing but the service counter and people in line. The security guard standing there said, Ma'am, the door out is around the backside of the service counter, but I'll let you out here. I said, no no, I'll go around and he said, No, I'll let you out here this time, but next time you remember. As I left, I glanced over to where I should have exited and saw a tiny alley-way behind the counter leading to a door that said nothing, just looked like part of the windows. This aisle was lined with stacks of stuff which made it even harder to see and to use it, you would have had to double back after paying for your item, fighting your way through all the people standing in line. Yet, everyone else seemed to know how to get out of the store except for me. That's what started me thinking about the whole thing. Part of me says, a store this large shouldn't have such a confusing mess of its checkout procedures and part of me says, I just don't "get things" like other people. They are all on the same conveyor belt and I have fallen off the side some place.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
Re: Becoming
[info]jigsawpig
2005-08-25 06:26 am UTC (link)
OK, the breakdown of people going out the correct exit:

People who had been told where it was on a previous visit: 90%
People who just followed other people going out of it: 9%
People who found it by accident: 0.9%
Brain Surgeons and Rocket Scientists: 0.1%

Trust me on this, I have spent a lifetime observing people.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: Becoming
[info]horizonpurple
2005-08-29 07:13 am UTC (link)
I just don't "get things" like other people.

Nor me. I spend half my life peering around for signs to tell me what everyone else seems to know, and not asking for help because if everyone else knows it, why don't i?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…